


illumi goes to the nail salon

by Bruhgaria



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 02:48:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7873168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bruhgaria/pseuds/Bruhgaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>illumi needs his nails done bc assasins gotta like fleek</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "assassins dont need friends" says illumi, who fucks a clown regularly every week

illumi seemed to be a mature young fuck boi that was too good for make up which ix why he didnt wear make up but he did wear nail polish bc he was on fleek af but he cuoldnt paint his own nails withouh fucing up bc he thought using needeles was a good idea to paint nails but its not illumi u dumbass 

so he had to go to the nail salon to get his nails done like one of those nail salons with the chinese ladies that always speaks chinese and u dont kno if theyre talking ahit about you or not but you dont wanna be rude so u just sit there 

illumi got to the nail salon and made his appointment and shit and sat in the chair idk how nail salons work ive never been to one but who cares i never try with these fanfics 

but then a smol woman came to do illumis nails but it wasbt a woman it was feitan and illumi barely knew feitan but why was feiran woring at a nail salon wouldnt he just steal all the nail polish for himself or some dshit idk maybe choroorlor didnt pay him enogyh 

so feitan only speaks chinese when hes angery and they were at a chinese nail salon and feitan was speaking chinese was he angery oh boi what was he saying well illumi didnt know but he didnt know feitsn either so who cares 

u kno why did illumi even leave the house like he could have just gotten kalluto to do his nails that boi has some nice ass eyeliner that can cut a bitch but there was no going back now illumi was stuck with this small man painting his nail why was feitan even speaking xhinese no one was around and he was fairly certain feitan knew illumi didnt know chinese fetain wyd 

then illumi notied feitan was doj ng this all wrong 

he didnt put the clear coat of polish on first he just started with the nail polish itslef 

now illumis nail were gonna be ugly af 

"excuse me sir arent you supposed to put the clear coat on first" 

feitan didnt listen 

feitan u shit 

well illumi had another appointment at the hair salon at 3 then had to go shopping with hisocka at 5 so maybe this was less time consuming but his nails were gonna b ugly af what if hisoka laughs at him for his ugly ass nails 

well actually feitan was very delicate with the nailpolish and didnt make a mess wiht it either like his painintg was spot on and his hands were very soft but cold what lotion does he use and whwre can i buy it but feiatn;s painting speed was XTRA SLOW illumi was going to be late for his hair appontiems 

why did illumi even need his hair done at a salon like its already so silky smooth and straight unlike him BUT THIS IS UNNECESSARY he really needs to do something about his eyes like they msakwe them look like hes high all the time 

then he looked to see hoe ,uch progress has been done on his nails. one hand was now painted so it was half done. the he noticed feitan wasnt even using nailpolish. he was usong a sharpie marker 

a sharpy 

marker 

to make his nails black 

feitan wyd 

illumi was scared of this man. feitan didnt give a fuck. and he was still speqaing chinese. illumi was scared even tho hes never scared but who cares this is a fanfic 

illumi looked into the camera like he was on the office 

why didnt he just get kalluto to oaint his naiks 

at least he didnt need ti wait for them ti dry 

it took 30 minutes in total for feitan to finnish coloring illumis nails. thats 3 minutes per nail. with a sharpie. then feitan ogt up and left 

was illumi going to pay 

was feitan even working there 

did he just come up to a random ass dude and color his nails black with as sharpie 

well who cares illumi got the fuck out if there and went to his hair appointment which was right next to the nail salon

he hoped none of the spooders werer there 

none of them had good hair rest in pieces illumi


	2. illumi goes to the hair salon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> his hair has gotta be on fleek too

not illumi was on his way to the hair salon and he got there and shit i dont know how hair salons work either ok fuck off but he sat in the chair thing idk 

and then a smol woman came out of the room to do whatever tf they do at hair salons but it wasnt a woman it was kortopi. ok out of anyone in the phantom troupe it just had to be the one woth the most unmamnaged hair illumi didnt deserver this 

but kortopi was just a kid (he thjinks) so illumi couldnt say shit to him. 

poor illumi's hair was fucked up. kortopi didnt even use the brush the right way and how do you use a hair brush wrong (well i gyess yiou could shove it up ur vjj but they dudnt have vjjs) 

man, illunmi's haitr was already silky af and nothing could mess it up but jkortopi's hair styling skills were like -42 so he messed it up and illumi was crying but not really

then kortopi left. just like feitan did last time. now illumi had his nails colored with black sharpie and his hair all poofed up. well now he should change his name to Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way bc he looked that terrible 

he didnt want to go on his planned shopping spreee with hisoka he just couldnt. not like this, well ilumi ran tf out of the hair salon hoping no one saw him and luckinly no one did because no one cares about random ugly people on gthe street but they probablyt thought he was a hobo or something for the split seconds they actually noticed him 

maybe he could call up hisoka and just tell him to postpone the shopping spree. but it wasa 4:45 alreadty and too late to cancell. hisoka was pronbabl;y alreay on his way to where they planeedt to meet up. maybe he coyuld just wear a hat. a really big hat to keep all his hair unfer. and some gloves. so he went intpo the nearest clothing store at the mall. they sold hats and gloves and shit like that. they all were labled "hand knitted" but they looked like A+++++ knitted things so they ,ust have been by and expert. he tried on the largest hat, which just barely kept all of his hair inside the hat. then he found some nice warm mittens. but the kind of mittens with the fingers. wait arent thoses goves. but are they still gloves when made of wool. ok well it was hand ware with fingers idgaf. 

he went to go buy them. there was a girl near by where the gloves and hats were sold, which was away from the actual cash register place. maybe this girl with pink hair was the one who made the glove mittens and hats. when she picked up the items, she "accidentally" cut them on the needles she had poked into the poofy pin and needle holder she had on the back of her glove. 

"oops that's a shame" 

that was the obnly time illumi noticed somrhing 

this was machi from the phantim troupe. 

was the troupe here to ruin iklumis day 

why was this happening he didnt deserve this like ik he killed a shit ton of people in the past but not the phantom troupe is tryna kill his style this was so unfair 

machi handed him back the now ripped glove mittens and hat "that will be 420 monies" 

illumi stared into the camera like he was on the office 

then he slowly curled up on the floor. 

machi still had her hand held out in the same spot and she watched illumi curl up on the floor. machi was not phased by this act as she had to deal with this kind of bullshit everyday. in fact the only thing that ohased her was hisoka. spekaing of him he was standing right behind illumi. \

"im on break bye" machi dropped the knitted goods on illumis face and left bc hisooka was an annoying fuckboi that machi was too much of a lesbian for 

:"hello illumi ♥" said jisoka with an audible heart card emoji 

illumi said nothing 

"are you ready for our shopping spree? ♦" he asked woth an audible diamdnd card symbol emoji 

illumi was crying internally 

"did you have a fun getting ready? ♠" he asked woth an audible you know what i think thats an ace card emoji but i dont know im not a clown fucker 

Hisoka was answered woht silence from illumi 

"thats good!♣" he picked up illumi and threw him over his shouldner. but not like he carried him over his should he actually threrw illumi 

hisoka you cunt


End file.
